I have been leafing through that byword of the quick fix snack, The Fat Duck Cookbook (handily sized). But, knowing Heston as I don't I was surprised that some of the key recipes were missing from the hastily prepared tome. Dr. Nostrum will fill in the blanks over the coming months.
First, that crunchy peaen to cross species sodomy: Cow Calamari with Dolphin Penis Bone Marrow Cubes. I was remembering this dish just the other month across a table with the lovable soul singer Seal.
Just a note to say that Heston would never catch a Dolphin just for it's Penis Bone, he specifically only uses Dolphin accidentally killed in Tuna nets.
For the Cow Calamari
300g kobe rectum
50g table salt
Place the water in a container, add the salt and stir until dissolved. Refrigerate until cold, then add the rectum and refrigerate for 4 hours. Soak the rectum in changes of cold water for 2 hours. Preheat a water bath to 65 degrees C/149 degrees F. Seal the rectum in a sous-vide bag under full pressure for 2 hours. Remove and leave to stand at room temperature for 15 minutes. Transfer to room-temperature water for a further 15 minutes, then place in an ice bath to chill. Once cold, remove the rectum from the bag and peel away the membrane. Cut across the rectum creating O-shaped slices of 3-4mm width and place in a container in a single layer. Cover and refrigerate until needed.
For the Penis Bone Marrow
500g (one) Dolphin Penis inc Bone
150g table salt approx
Fillet the Penis and skin each fillet, trimming away any dark flesh, blood or cartilage, reserve the flesh. Taking the bone, using a heavy cleaver cut the bone first into halves and second, cut one of the halves into 5cm pieces. Cover the penis bones with cold salted water (50g salt for every 1kg water) and refrigerate for 24hrs, changing the water every 4 hours. Soak the bones in several changes of cold water for 30 minutes. Push the marrow out of the bones and place on kitchen paper to dry. Cut into cubes 7mm square and refrigerate until needed.
For the Crispy Fried Cow Calamari and Penis Marrow Bone Cubes
100g panko breadcrumbs
reserved Penis Marrow bone cubes
reserved Cow Calamari
reserved half of Dolphin Penis Bone
0.5g chervil pluches
0.5g tarragon leaves
0.5g flatleaf parsley leaves
Place the panko breadcrumbs in a large bowl. Whisk the eggs and 25g water in another bowl. Heat the oil in a deep-fat fryer to 180 degrees C/350 degrees F. Dip the Cow Calamari in the egg wash, shake off the excess and dredge in the panko, pressing the crumbs on to the outside. Set aside, then do the same with the Penis Bone Marrow Cubes. Cook batches of the Calamari in the fryer till golden brown all over. Drain on kitchen paper and season lightly with salt and freshly ground pepper. Heat some grapeseed oil in a shallow pan and fry 5 pieces of coated bone marrow per portion until crisp and golden. Drain them on kitchen paper and sprinkle salt over them. Cut the reserved Penis bone into lengths of 14cm using a fine junior hacksaw, wash to remove bone dust.
Using the Penis Bone lengths as a skewer for the Cow Calamari (not the Penis Bone Marrow - which separates the rings), serve 6 pieces of Cow Calamari per portion and the 5 pieces and Penis Bone Marrow Cube alternately laid on a paper-lined serving plate. Garnish with the crispy chervil leaves. At the last possible moment finely slice, rather than chop, the fresh herbs (to avoid damaging them with random cuts) and sprinkle over the skewer.