27/11/08
Hutchback
Yeah, well. I think he might have perhaps, um, given that one up seeing as he's now achieved tenure at er, at, er..
Dr. Nostrum
Carlos Casteneda had tenure somewhere didn't he?
Hutchback
Did he?
Dr. Nostrum
Yeah, I think he was a teacher at, er, of sociology.
Hutchback
Well...
Dr. Nostrum
Whilst he was doing all that writing.
Hutchback
Didn't mean he had tenure.
Dr. Nostrum
Maybe he made that up.
Hutchback
The idea of tenure's very, uh...
Dr. Nostrum
Tenuous.
Hutchback (yes, it gets a laugh)
Tenurous. No, it's a nice idea. It's a shame you can't get it in other professions. Where, basically you're paid, regardless of whether you turn up and do any work.
Dr. Nostrum
Well, you get that in football.
Hutchback
Yeah, but not forever.
Dr. Nostrum
Surely tenure is rescindable?
Hutchback
No. (pause) That's why it's called tenure.
Dr. Nostrum
So how do they fire you?
Hutchback
They don't! That's it.
Dr. Nostrum (surely this must be nonsense)
What are you talking about?
Hutchback
Tenure? Well, unless you rape a student. I assume that violates one of the clauses.
Dr. Nostrum
Well doesn't it stop at, like, 60, or 30?
Hutchback
Well, it stops at retirement age presumably. But, yeah, for the rest of your career...
Dr. Nostrum
So they can't..? That's it? Is that what it's about – trying to get a job for life?
Hutchback
That's what it's all about – job for life.
Dr. Nostrum
I didn't know that...
Hutchback
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dr. Nostrum
...I thought it was just to get on the faculty of some place...
Hutchback
No, no, it now means...
Dr. Nostrum
...So it's not reviewed every year?
Hutchback
...he could basically do an hours...
Dr. Nostrum
Wanking?
Hutchback
...work a week. He could wank for an hour a week...
Dr. Nostrum
No, (pause) he could wank 23 hours a day – and do one hours work...
Hutchback
No, no. One hours work a week!
Dr. Nostrum (pause – just can't believe this tenure idea)
Really?
Hutchback
Yes!
Dr. Nostrum
Well what about marking papers?
Hutchback
He doesn't have to do anything if he doesn't want.
Dr. Nostrum
I don't believe that...
Hutchback
It's true.
Dr. Nostrum
...Kawnholer..? I don't believe that at all. If you're listening to this – I need to know.
Hutchback
It's true – he told me!
Dr. Nostrum
They can't.. It can't be...
Hutchback
He told me! (pause, then irony) It must be true - he told me
Dr. Nostrum
There can't be a profession out there that...
Hutchback
No, why would he lie?
Hutchback
There is, it's called being a professor.
Dr. Nostrum
But don't you have to do anything?
Hutchback
No!
Dr. Nostrum
Don't you have to have some kind of goal to prove that you're...
Hutchback
No. You don't have to do any research, you d.. you have to teach one hour of lectures a week, I think...
Dr. Nostrum
God, no wonder people try and get it.
Hutchback
Yeah. Exactly. And that's why the human race is getting stupider by the year.
Dr. Nostrum
Because they pay you to do nothing.
Hutchback
Because all the professors are just sitting in their rooms, you know, (pause) rubbing one out.
Dr. Nostrum (thinking about this)
Yeah.
Hutchback
Having a quick rub.
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