All Talk 49 - Racism - I'm Trying, But I Just Don't Get It

HUTCHBACK

As the BNP says, it’s not racist to oppose mass immigration and political correctness, it’s common sense.

DR. NOSTRUM

Common sense. It is common sense. It’s comedic sense.

HUTCHBACK

It’s common sense, (pause) if you’re a racist, although it’s not racist in itself.

DR. NOSTRUM

That’s true. That is true. (pause) I don’t oppose immigration. I couldn’t give two monkeys about where you live or..

HUTCHBACK

Two monkeys? (witheringly) Yeah, appropriate; Those Monkey Boys.

DR. NOSTRUM

No, I was thinking that.. I do seriously think that (pause) where you live is just an accident of birth. (The DR. pauses, momentarily bemused by his own inane profundity) Really. Who you are is just an accident of birth, so it really is completely irrelevant. You know, it’s not your fault, is it? So, what difference does it make? I never understood any of that problem.. I often thought that. I don’t think it gets very far with people who actually care about things, but, really, the country you live in, is irrelevant. And who you are is also irrelevant. It just completely doesn’t make any difference does it?

HUTCHBACK

Well, it does, cause if you.. if you’re born in Bangladesh, in a hut, your life’s not going to be much fun.

DR. NOSTRUM

No, I didn’t mean that, I meant that there’s no difference between any of it. If someone from Bangladesh comes over here, or I go over there, who gives a fuck? You know, who cares? I don’t care.

HUTCHBACK

The racists care.

DR. NOSTRUM

Well, they do. But why do they care?

HUTCHBACK

(becomes The Racist) Because it’s OURS! It’s our land! Fuck off! Get off my land! Get off my land!

DR. NOSTRUM

Yeah, but they’re not living in your living room.

HUTCHBACK

Yeah, but they could be. They could be downstairs raping my wife!

DR. NOSTRUM

Maybe.

HUTCHBACK

While I’m upstairs, having if off with my next door neighbour.

DR. NOSTRUM

Whereas, at least if it’s someone you know, it’s not so bad.

HUTCHBACK

And then you could have all those little, you know, all those..(here comes The Racist again) All those black babies. That’s the theory you see, that’s where it all comes from; Get off my land, don’t shag my wife, I don’t want any black babies.

DR. NOSTRUM

Yeah, well, I don’t get it really.

HUTCHBACK

Well, no. that’s probably why you’re not a BNP councilor.

DR. NOSTRUM

But talking to this guy I work with, who’s not a racist, but has racist views..

HUTCHBACK

“I’m not racist, it’s just that everything I say is racist.”

DR. NOSTRUM

No, I just don’t get it, I don’t understand it, I completely don’t understand it. What is it that causes something like that, I don’t get it? It completely is bemusing.

HUTCHBACK

Keep talking. See if you can do it on your own – much harder.

DR. NOSTRUM

I don’t know. I could probably keep talking for a while. (long pause – HUTCHBACK leaves the room, the DR continues, talking to himself in haltingly) Anyway.. Maybe what it is, is; that.. you are afraid that somehow.. you will lose your.. What? I don’t know what it is. What is racism? What is it about? Fear of something, I’m not sure what. (HUTCHBACK returns)

HUTCHBACK

See; Couldn’t do it.

DR. NOSTRUM

No, I could do it. I was just very quiet.

HUTCHBACK

Right, well, that’s enough of that.