03/12/08
Hutchback
Right, we have potential disaster here ahead of us; some tree climbing.
Dr. Nostrum
No, they're not going to get there.
Hutchback
They're not going to get very f.. ooh, ooh-er, (pause) We have a young pair of...
Dr. Nostrum
I wonder how...
Hutchback
...A young pair of scallywags...
Dr. Nostrum
The oldest...
Hutchback
Climbing a tree.
Dr. Nostrum
The oldest tree climber is?
Hutchback
The girl isn't that good.
Dr. Nostrum
No
Hutchback
The boy's not much better.
Dr. Nostrum
No
Hutchback
She's standing on his back now...
Dr. Nostrum
And someone's taking a picture of it
Hutchback
Oh...
Dr. Nostrum
Because of course it's...
Hutchback
...actually she's managed it.
Dr. Nostrum
...it's gonna be a moment in that girl's life that's worth recording...
Hutchback
Yeah.
Dr. Nostrum
...on a piece of film.
Hutchback
Yes. In fact I think we should try and buy that shot and...
Dr. Nostrum
...sell it to someone in China.
Hutchback
...put it in the podcast.
Dr. Nostrum
Yeah.
Hutchback
Cos I think it would, er, nicely set off (long pause) the garbage. What's the time? How much have we recorded – that's gotta be enough surely?
Dr. Nostrum
No, not even an hour.
Hutchback (sarcastically)
N.. Wow, not even an hour!
Dr. Nostrum
Not even an hour's worth of rubbish.
Hutchback
The first hour's.. an hour long pro.. God, I wouldn't even want to listen this myself, never mind anyone else listening to it.
Dr. Nostrum
No, no, you've gotta take.. it's like.. it's like your British Army fitness program, if you do it enough...
Hutchback
You'll get better.
Dr. Nostrum
No, no...
Hutchback
You'll get quicker.
Dr. Nostrum
No. No, no. If you do it enough you've done it more often.
Hutchback
You'll get quicker.
Dr. Nostrum
Well, (beat) actually, they've got quite a long way up.
Hutchback
They have got a long way up.
Dr. Nostrum
And very quickly. (pause) 'Course that's what trees were invented for – for things to go up so you could see further.
Hutchback
Yeah. That was actually - it's in the manual - when you buy a tree... (pause) I'm fairly convinced one of them is about to fall out if their tree.
Dr. Nostrum
Yeah, maybe. (beat) Now that would be worth taking a picture of.
Hutchback
Yeah, as they're falling - Have you got a camera?
Dr. Nostrum
She's got a camera. (the kids mother)
Hutchback
Maybe we can buy that.
Dr. Nostrum
Witnessing death. Now that would be an interesting thing within the first podcast. That's it: you go somewhere and wherever you go someone gets killed...
Hutchback (agreeing)
Someone gets killed.
Dr. Nostrum
...just while you're talking.
Hutchback
Yeah, just, kind of randomly.
Dr. Nostrum
Randomly.
Hutchback
Yep.
Dr. Nostrum
Car accidents, you know. I mean you could have extraordinary accidents. (pause) Do you think that any of those people who picked up rubbish with those spears got accidentally killed by one of them?
Hutchback
Well, we've done an hour now, that's enough!
Dr. Nostrum
What do you mean "That's enough"? You know...
Hutchback
Well I...
Dr. Nostrum
It's not a programme, I'm just leaving it on just to leave it on, just to record stuff.
Hutchback
No, I think we should just save the file and put it up.
Hutchback
Alright
Dr. Nostrum
Stop talking and read your fucking paper.
Hutchback
Alright. I'm now going to read my paper for the next 20 minutes.
Dr. Nostrum
Now that would be a broadcast. It's probably like.. (pause) who would have done that, I'm sure somebody's done that – broadcast reading the paper. (reads paper)
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