HUTCHBACK
So, we’ve cracked one prediction. That must have been the most ludicrous prediction that anyone has made in this end of year predictions farrago.
DR. NOSTRUM
I don’t know, I haven’t been looking.
HUTCHBACK
No, but I’ve been looking at them and none of them are as insane as that. They’re all things like ‘People will stop going out and spending money.’
DR. NOSTRUM
Well, one thing about this is that there’s not enough time to write 10 predictions if this is how we’re going to do it, but I could summarise them.
HUTCHBACK
Well, we’re not going to come up with 10 today.
DR. NOSTRUM
No, that’s cos no-one’s paying us.
HUTCHBACK
No.
DR. NOSTRUM
If someone was paying me, believe me, I’d come up with 10.
HUTCHBACK
Yeah, well, I’m now doing my job in my spare time for no money..
DR. NOSTRUM
No you’re not.
HUTCHBACK
I am!
DR. NOSTRUM
Oh well. I’m doing my life in my.. um, my life has become..
HUTCHBACK
“I’m doing my entire life in my spare time.” Now that.. Let’s work that out. Now that’s a prediction; people start living their entire lives in their spare time...
DR. NOSTRUM
As their hobby.
HUTCHBACK
Yeah. No, because there won’t be any jobs, so you now have to live your whole life in your spare time.
DR. NOSTRUM
What do you mean there won’t be any jobs?
HUTCHBACK
Well, no, cos everyone’s going to lose there jobs.
(Edit Point)
DR. NOSTRUM
So, I’m living my life in my spare time.
HUTCHBACK
Yes, living your life in your spare time. You are a pioneer. You’re a pioneer.
DR. NOSTRUM
There must have been others before me?
HUTCHBACK
Well, they were called the terminally unemployed...
DR. NOSTRUM
Or, the mentally ill.
HUTCHBACK
...the mentally ill, or the clinically insane. However, you are actually doing it intentionally, as a career.
DR. NOSTRUM
As a career.
HUTCHBACK
You are doing everything in your spare time.
DR. NOSTRUM
Yeah. I’m not making a success of my career. It’s true, if your career becomes successful you no longer have time...
HUTCHBACK
Yes, that’s it.
DR. NOSTRUM
...to live your life.
HUTCHBACK
That’s exactly it.
DR. NOSTRUM
But that’s a truism, not a prediction.
HUTCHBACK
No, but what will happen is that people will start doing all their work in their spare time.
DR. NOSTRUM
And what will they do in their work time.
HUTCHBACK
They won’t have any work time.
DR. NOSTRUM
So it’ll swap?
HUTCHBACK
Yeah.
DR. NOSTRUM
It’ll swap, so your work time..
HUTCHBACK
So everyone will be doing work, but not as their job, but just to keep themselves busy. So if you’re a bin man, you’ll carry on being a bin man, but you just won’t get paid for it. You’ll go around just taking people’s rubbish away...
DR. NOSTRUM
Yeah
HUTCHBACK
...and emptying it onto the street just cos it makes you feel better.
DR. NOSTRUM
Well, you gotta keep yourself busy.
HUTCHBACK
You’ve got to keep yourself busy.
DR. NOSTRUM
I fear what most people will do is just roam the streets looking for food, in which case it’ll have been an advantage being a bin man cos you’d know where to look.
HUTCHBACK
So bin men will become the...
DR. NOSTRUM
The hunter gatherers.
HUTCHBACK
...guru’s for the new age.
DR. NOSTRUM
Well, no.
HUTCHBACK
They’ll be the wise..
DR. NOSTRUM
They’ll be just underneath Ray Mears.
HUTCHBACK
Alright, but they’ll be consulted, they’ll be able to charge..
DR. NOSTRUM
Now That..! No, wait a minute! That is one of the predictions that is reasonably obvious, is that people who forage will become leaders of the new age.
HUTCHBACK
Yes, absolutely.
Friday 23 January 2009
All Talk 55 - 2009 Predictions - Practical Joke To Appear on The Law Statute Book (Part 2)
HUTCHBACK
Ah, no, but then it gets a bit more complicated, because some practical jokes would not lead to a conviction.
(pause the DR. is bemused)
Ok. Say for instance, Practical Joke; I left a sword on the staircase and someone fell over and died on it. No court in the land would send you to jail for that.
DR. NOSTRUM
What, as opposed to pushing someone off a cliff?
HUTCHBACK
Yeah, because pushing someone off a cliff is much more.. No, because if you left.. you know, and then sometime later someone came down the stairs, tripped over and fell on the sword and it killed them.
DR. NOSTRUM
Maybe Negligence?
HUTCHBACK
Negligence. You wouldn’t go to prison for that.
DR. NOSTRUM
(not getting it) So that would be ‘Negligent Practical Joke’?
HUTCHBACK
Ok, that’s a nonsense.. that’s a silly example. Say you leave a knife..
DR. NOSTRUM
(sarcasm) Yeah, that’s a silly one, forget that one.
HUTCHBACK
No, okay, you leave your washing machine open with a big knife pointing up out of the tray (pause) as a practical joke, hoping someone might trip over and fall on it. For a joke.
DR. NOSTRUM
The dishwasher?
HUTCHBACK
The washing machine, er, the dishwasher.
DR. NOSTRUM
What, hoping that someone might fall over?
HUTCHBACK
Trip over, fall on it. (the DR. is shaking his head) Why not, that’s happened
DR. NOSTRUM
No, no, that’s not a practical joke.
HUTCHBACK
Why is that not a practical joke?
DR. NOSTRUM
Because the likelihood of someone tripping over as they reach the dishwasher is nothing you can rely on. The practical joke is something where you know someone’s going to do something, so you’d have to...
HUTCHBACK
Ok, so you to set up..
DR. NOSTRUM
...you’d have to, No. You’d have to lift the.. you’d loosen the floorboards.
HUTCHBACK
Well, there you go.
DR. NOSTRUM
You loosen the floorb..
HUTCHBACK
No, no, you just squirt some washing up liquid on the floor.
DR. NOSTRUM
Ok, washing up liquid on the floor and knives sticking up out of..
HUTCHBACK
There’s no court in the land would convict you of that. I’d stake my legal reputation on it.
DR. NOSTRUM
No, I think that’s too much, I think they would convict you.
HUTCHBACK
No, why would they convict you?
DR. NOSTRUM
Because the intention is to harm.
HUTCHBACK
They could never prove that you..
DR. NOSTRUM
No, the intent is to harm.
HUTCHBACK
They could never prove you intended it.
DR. NOSTRUM
To do what?
HUTCHBACK
You would say, “I never planned that as a practical joke, it was just an unfortunate accident.”
DR. NOSTRUM
What are you talking about?
HUTCHBACK
That would be your defense.
DR. NOSTRUM
But how can that be your defense?!
HUTCHBACK
That would be your defense!
DR. NOSTRUM
But it’s a circular argument. “I did this thing, but I never intended to do it.” What’s that?
HUTCHBACK
No, because the prosecution investigation, that would be their case; that it was a planned practical joke and your defense would be that it was just an accident. (pause) I can see you’re struggling with that.
DR. NOSTRUM
I am struggling with that.
HUTCHBACK
Why? Why are you struggling with it?
DR. NOSTRUM
So you’re saying the charge. The charge is Practical Joke...
HUTCHBACK
Yes, the charge...
DR. NOSTRUM
...not the defense?
HUTCHBACK
...yes, of course!! What?
DR. NOSTRUM
That’s what I was struggling with...
HUTCHBACK
You go in..
DR. NOSTRUM
...you do something that’s a practical joke and you say that “I didn’t do it.”
HUTCHBACK
Well yeah, but no, because.. Well, people could accuse you. You could be accused of Murder by Practical Joke. You wouldn’t go in and say..
DR. NOSTRUM
But you would be wholly innocent! Cause if they accused you of doing it by Practical Joke, isn’t it too obscure? What’s the point of charging you with ‘Practical Joke’, why can’t they just charge you with murder?
HUTCHBACK
Because they’d never get murder. They’d never get a murder conviction for that, but they might get death by practical joke, if ty can prove that you put the.. It’s easier to convict someone of ‘Death By Practical Joke’.
DR. NOSTRUM
Sound like a lot of the Inspector Morse, um, mysteries, you know. Where there’s a very convoluted way of killing someone. In fact, there was that Columbo one where he was murdered by the dogs. The defense could have been a practical joke that went wrong.
HUTCHBACK
It was a practical joke to set the dogs on him?
DR. NOSTRUM
Yeah, you didn’t know the dogs would kill him, but you thought it was funny.
HUTCHBACK
You thought it was funny.
DR. NOSTRUM
Well, there we go, so it’s not manslaughter cause, no, but it would be man.. no.. why..
HUTCHBACK
No, you can be accu.. you can go to prison for dog attacks. You can definitely go to prison for dog attacks.
DR. NOSTRUM
Mm. To me now I can only see it as a defense rather than an accusation. I don’t think it’s worth making the accusation, but I can see it as a defense.
HUTCHBACK
Alright, so the accusation would be murder and then your defense is practical joke.
DR. NOSTRUM
And it’s a.. no, it’s a plea, it’s a plea. The plea is, it was a Practical Joke that went wrong, which is not as serious as manslaughter.
HUTCHBACK
Yes. So then they’d have to come up with a...
DR. NOSTRUM
Sentence tariff.
HUTCHBACK
...crime and a sentence called Practical Joke. Yep, I think that’s perfectly reasonable.
DR. NOSTRUM
Yep. Ok, so that’s one.
HUTCHBACK
That’s one, we’ve cracked one prediction.
Ah, no, but then it gets a bit more complicated, because some practical jokes would not lead to a conviction.
(pause the DR. is bemused)
Ok. Say for instance, Practical Joke; I left a sword on the staircase and someone fell over and died on it. No court in the land would send you to jail for that.
DR. NOSTRUM
What, as opposed to pushing someone off a cliff?
HUTCHBACK
Yeah, because pushing someone off a cliff is much more.. No, because if you left.. you know, and then sometime later someone came down the stairs, tripped over and fell on the sword and it killed them.
DR. NOSTRUM
Maybe Negligence?
HUTCHBACK
Negligence. You wouldn’t go to prison for that.
DR. NOSTRUM
(not getting it) So that would be ‘Negligent Practical Joke’?
HUTCHBACK
Ok, that’s a nonsense.. that’s a silly example. Say you leave a knife..
DR. NOSTRUM
(sarcasm) Yeah, that’s a silly one, forget that one.
HUTCHBACK
No, okay, you leave your washing machine open with a big knife pointing up out of the tray (pause) as a practical joke, hoping someone might trip over and fall on it. For a joke.
DR. NOSTRUM
The dishwasher?
HUTCHBACK
The washing machine, er, the dishwasher.
DR. NOSTRUM
What, hoping that someone might fall over?
HUTCHBACK
Trip over, fall on it. (the DR. is shaking his head) Why not, that’s happened
DR. NOSTRUM
No, no, that’s not a practical joke.
HUTCHBACK
Why is that not a practical joke?
DR. NOSTRUM
Because the likelihood of someone tripping over as they reach the dishwasher is nothing you can rely on. The practical joke is something where you know someone’s going to do something, so you’d have to...
HUTCHBACK
Ok, so you to set up..
DR. NOSTRUM
...you’d have to, No. You’d have to lift the.. you’d loosen the floorboards.
HUTCHBACK
Well, there you go.
DR. NOSTRUM
You loosen the floorb..
HUTCHBACK
No, no, you just squirt some washing up liquid on the floor.
DR. NOSTRUM
Ok, washing up liquid on the floor and knives sticking up out of..
HUTCHBACK
There’s no court in the land would convict you of that. I’d stake my legal reputation on it.
DR. NOSTRUM
No, I think that’s too much, I think they would convict you.
HUTCHBACK
No, why would they convict you?
DR. NOSTRUM
Because the intention is to harm.
HUTCHBACK
They could never prove that you..
DR. NOSTRUM
No, the intent is to harm.
HUTCHBACK
They could never prove you intended it.
DR. NOSTRUM
To do what?
HUTCHBACK
You would say, “I never planned that as a practical joke, it was just an unfortunate accident.”
DR. NOSTRUM
What are you talking about?
HUTCHBACK
That would be your defense.
DR. NOSTRUM
But how can that be your defense?!
HUTCHBACK
That would be your defense!
DR. NOSTRUM
But it’s a circular argument. “I did this thing, but I never intended to do it.” What’s that?
HUTCHBACK
No, because the prosecution investigation, that would be their case; that it was a planned practical joke and your defense would be that it was just an accident. (pause) I can see you’re struggling with that.
DR. NOSTRUM
I am struggling with that.
HUTCHBACK
Why? Why are you struggling with it?
DR. NOSTRUM
So you’re saying the charge. The charge is Practical Joke...
HUTCHBACK
Yes, the charge...
DR. NOSTRUM
...not the defense?
HUTCHBACK
...yes, of course!! What?
DR. NOSTRUM
That’s what I was struggling with...
HUTCHBACK
You go in..
DR. NOSTRUM
...you do something that’s a practical joke and you say that “I didn’t do it.”
HUTCHBACK
Well yeah, but no, because.. Well, people could accuse you. You could be accused of Murder by Practical Joke. You wouldn’t go in and say..
DR. NOSTRUM
But you would be wholly innocent! Cause if they accused you of doing it by Practical Joke, isn’t it too obscure? What’s the point of charging you with ‘Practical Joke’, why can’t they just charge you with murder?
HUTCHBACK
Because they’d never get murder. They’d never get a murder conviction for that, but they might get death by practical joke, if ty can prove that you put the.. It’s easier to convict someone of ‘Death By Practical Joke’.
DR. NOSTRUM
Sound like a lot of the Inspector Morse, um, mysteries, you know. Where there’s a very convoluted way of killing someone. In fact, there was that Columbo one where he was murdered by the dogs. The defense could have been a practical joke that went wrong.
HUTCHBACK
It was a practical joke to set the dogs on him?
DR. NOSTRUM
Yeah, you didn’t know the dogs would kill him, but you thought it was funny.
HUTCHBACK
You thought it was funny.
DR. NOSTRUM
Well, there we go, so it’s not manslaughter cause, no, but it would be man.. no.. why..
HUTCHBACK
No, you can be accu.. you can go to prison for dog attacks. You can definitely go to prison for dog attacks.
DR. NOSTRUM
Mm. To me now I can only see it as a defense rather than an accusation. I don’t think it’s worth making the accusation, but I can see it as a defense.
HUTCHBACK
Alright, so the accusation would be murder and then your defense is practical joke.
DR. NOSTRUM
And it’s a.. no, it’s a plea, it’s a plea. The plea is, it was a Practical Joke that went wrong, which is not as serious as manslaughter.
HUTCHBACK
Yes. So then they’d have to come up with a...
DR. NOSTRUM
Sentence tariff.
HUTCHBACK
...crime and a sentence called Practical Joke. Yep, I think that’s perfectly reasonable.
DR. NOSTRUM
Yep. Ok, so that’s one.
HUTCHBACK
That’s one, we’ve cracked one prediction.
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