22/11/08
Dr. Nostrum
There's a lot more...
Hutchback
There's a lot of garbage to look at.
Dr. Nostrum
...there's a lot more stuff around.
Hutchback (eating chocolate again)
Mm.. and.. and.. and my theory.. (chews) you know, to explore my theory of (laughs at the ridiculousness of positing 'a theory') Huh-huh, 'My Theory', I have 'A Theory' about the relative importance of.. of things. It's a very well known and formulated theory – It's actually that we attribute value to these great things, not just literature but somehow to certain events, have, have an importance as defined by whether they er, er, you know, they're talked about (pause) in a certain way. Um, whereas, um, the things that concern most people aren't great events, u, the great events are just a bit of background colour to their, to their kind of pedestrian (pause) lives. Which consists of making breakfast and watching Big Brother.
Dr. Nostrum
Huh, oh, I stopped listening to some of that. But I caught the end of it!
Hutchback
Well, you can listen to it later...
Dr. Nostrum
It's not concise enough.
Hutchback
...I haven't.. No, well, no, you have to start with the large and then bring it down to the small.
Dr. Nostrum
I know. I would do that.
Hutchback
It's, it's kind of like the, ok.. it's about Big Br.. I told it to you? It's about Big Brother and The News (pause) and why is the news intrinsically more interesting than Big Brother.
Dr. Nostrum
No wait a minute, what's the theory of?
Hutchback
It's a theory of... (long pause). It's a new Theory Of Relativity. No...
Dr. Nostrum
Cultural Rela..
Hutchback
Cultural Relativity.
Dr. Nostrum
Is it "The further away you get from something, the better it looks"?
Hutchback (laughs)
Generally, that works with ugly women, but..
Dr. Nostrum
No, no, to think about it, it actually works very well, no, well with literature, the older it is the better it is – generally
Hutchback
And is there anything wrong with just having a book on your shelf and not having read it? At least you've bought the book – that's a step closer.
Dr. Nostrum
I think that's what hardback are for
Hutchback
Yeah. No, but this theory of mine I think, I think it's actually...
Dr. Nostrum
It's important
Hutchback
...it's true. I think there, there is (pause) something significant there, because I think that most people are only concerned with Heat magazine and Big Brother.
Dr. Nostrum
'People', or women?
Hutchback
People (pause) ok, well there's an equivalent for men – football and...
Dr. Nostrum
Nuts
Hutchback
...tits.
Dr. Nostrum
Oh yeah, no, no, Nuts. Football and Nuts or Big Brother and Heat
Hutchback
Yeah
Dr. Nostrum
And that's essentially the difference between...
Hutchback
The holy quadrology, er...
Dr. Nostrum
...the sexes
Hutchback
...quadrilogy, um, and...
Dr. Nostrum
You're presupposing some kind of, er, er (pause) knowledge. I've never looked at Nuts apart from.. I know that it exists but...
Hutchback
It doesn't matter
Dr. Nostrum
...I can imagine what's in it.
Hutchback
It's just skimpy – you know, women with their tits out
Dr. Nostrum
Yeah, it's women with their tits out
Hutchback (qualifying)
Young, young women, with their tits out
Dr. Nostrum
I never really understood the attraction of...
Hutchback (an impatient realisation)
In fact, in fact, in fact...
Dr. Nostrum
...does it improve the article? That's what I'm saying you know? If you've got...
Hutchback
The interviews generally don't stand up very well without the tit shot, basically.
Dr. Nostrum
I suppose.
Hutchback
You know – what's your, what's your favourite sexual fantasy? You need to have some visual cues to help that one along. You know, if it's just an interview without a picture...
Dr. Nostrum
Imagine if all...
Hutchback
They could just pretend that they're gorgeous.
Dr. Nostrum
...no, but great literature.. if it was proo.. if it was proven that it improved it, for men, with tits, that you could actually shift a lot more copies of War & Peace...
Hutchback
You could...
Dr. Nostrum
...with a few tit shots
Hutchback
...if you had a few tit shots, yeah.
Dr. Nostrum
Cos then - "I'm a bit bored with this," the tits "whoa, look at that, look, oh!"
Hutchback
Probably, probably every 4 pages I think you'd need one.
Dr. Nostrum
Every 4? Well, The Sport must have a – does that still exist, The Sunday Sport?
Hutchback
Er, I guess so.
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