DR. NOSTRUM
Actually, that wouldn't be a bad pitch would it? If you went on American Inventor with a turd – pipe – gold...
HUTCHBACK (laughing)
Gold!
DR. NOSTRUM
...just to see if you could get on TV, you know, whether they'd actually show that and you've got an arrow saying 'micro-machine technology'
HUTCHBACK
Yeah.
DR. NOSTRUM
Nano...
HUTCHBACK
Nano-technology turns the carbon atoms...
DR. NOSTRUM
Well, it re-arranges the carbon at...
HUTCHBACK
...re-arranged the carbon atoms in shit and, um, actually turns them into diamonds, that'd be easier cos diamonds are carbon...
DR. NOSTRUM
That's true.
HUTCHBACK
...gold is, er, something else. So basically, theoretically, there is carbon inside shit...
DR. NOSTRUM
Probably
HUTCHBACK
...there would be some carbon inside it, in various forms.
DR. NOSTRUM
I wonder how much shit you need to make...
HUTCHBACK
But you'd probably get lots of people's shit, I mean there's no shortage of shit out there...
DR. NOSTRUM
But there's no great demand for diamonds.
HUTCHBACK
No. Well, no, but these would be, these would be ethically sound diamonds – non-conflict diamonds. You might have to wrestle with a few tons of shit, but, you know, frankly... you know, no-one's losing their lives over this.
DR. NOSTRUM
Well, unless you had to force them...
HUTCHBACK
Unless...
DR. NOSTRUM
...to shit more than...
HUTCHBACK
Yes, you had to.. you basically had Shit Farms...
DR. NOSTRUM
Yeah
HUTCHBACK
Where you're force feeding all these, er,
DR. NOSTRUM
People
HUTCHBACK
Indonesian, er...
TOGETHER
Children.
HUTCHBACK
To produce enough shit... (pause)
DR. NOSTRUM
Diarrhea!
HUTCHBACK
No, you see...
DR. NOSTRUM
No, you get less shit...
HUTCHBACK
It probably wouldn't be good.
DR. NOSTRUM
No, but you could get shit and water. So you could get a by product of water if you put it through the system.
HUTCHBACK
Yeah, that doesn't quite work...
DR. NOSTRUM
No.
HUTCHBACK
...thinking about the, um, mechanical operation of the digestion system, you'd have to put more water in...
DR. NOSTRUM
No, it's not good, no, there's no point in doing that.
HUTCHBACK (sarcasm)
No, there's no point in doing that – re-claiming water from kids with dysentery. There's no mileage in that as a business.
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