All Talk 39 - You Say It Best When You Don’t Talk (about Cat Frightening)

DR. NOSTRUM

So you're living in.. you're living in the pre-computer era?

HUTCHBACK

Yep. I've gone back to the 1980's. I was watching Ceefax the other night to see the football scores.

DR. NOSTRUM

That's good. It's not a great improvement actually, where we are now, because you end up doing a lot more looking at things and a lot less doing things.

HUTCHBACK

Yeah, exactly, cos what we do now is turn the TV off. You flick through 4 channels, there's nothing on and you just turn it off.

DR. NOSTRUM

So does that mean you're getting on better with Mrs. Hutchback or worse? That's the thing, if we actually did have a society where we talked to each other more would we be getting on with each other better or worse?

HUTCHBACK

I would say worse. I would say worse, cos there's more opportunities for arguments, clearly. The less you talk, surely, the happier you are.

DR. NOSTRUM

Yeah.

HUTCHBACK

The less you talk to your wife, the happier you are.

DR. NOSTRUM

So that song should be "It's so great that we don't talk anymore." (pause). I always liked that song "You say it best when you say nothing at all." It seems that everybody that loves that song has entirely missed the joke.

HUTCHBACK

It's basically... "SHUT UP!"

DR. NOSTRUM

"SHUT UP!" That's right! Shut Up...

HUTCHBACK

Shut Up! And let me scratch my balls and watch the sport.

DR. NOSTRUM

That's right. I love you most when you're not talking to me. and it's become this great love song, that, you know, New Men, they think it's saying something wonderful, without the irony. "You say it best when you don't talk."

HUTCHBACK

"It's so funny how we don't talk anymore." It's not funny, it's much better.

DR. NOSTRUM

That's right (sings) "It's much better that we don't talk anymore." (continues the tune) "I'm so happy that we can't talk anymore." (pause) Oh Boy. Actually, I had another argument with, er , well, not another argument, M got pissed off with me again just before I came down here. (starts muttering) It might be a common thing, I'm a bit annoyed about that, never mind... (picks up again) See, this time I wasn't a cunt. I've been much, much less of a cunt this week.

HUTCHBACK

This week, I've achieved something; I've been less of a cunt.

HUTCHBACK

No, well, I would say I was quite conscious of the fact that, that...

HUTCHBACK

That last week you were a cunt.

HUTCHBACK

That last week, I.. I.. I was the architect of my own downfall. (pause) If that's not...

HUTCHBACK

Yes.

DR. NOSTRUM

...the wrong saying. Is that the right.. the wrong saying?

HUTCHBACK

No.

DR. NOSTRUM

Is that the right saying?

HUTCHBACK

Yes.

DR. NOSTRUM

Yes. (pause) But why were Architects.. what have downfalls got to do with Architects?

HUTCHBACK

No. Nothing, Architects build things, therefore you built your own...

DR. NOSTRUM

...Downfall. (pause) It's not the best saying is it? Anyway, This week..

HUTCHBACK

No, no, if you break it down it's not good, but it's quite a nice...

DR. NOSTRUM

It's a nice...

HUTCHBACK

...flow. "Streams of Architecture."

DR. NOSTRUM

...idiom. It felt wrong when I said it – "Architect of my own downfall." I felt it should be 'something else' of my own downfall.

HUTCHBACK

Sounds like you're Hitler or something.

DR. NOSTRUM

Anyway, this week I wasn't. But..

HUTCHBACK

"Beloved Cunt."

DR. NOSTRUM

This week I wasn't the Architect of my own downfall, but I did make a mistake.

HUTCHBACK

And what did you do?

DR. NOSTRUM

I, um.. I, um.. I, er, got a bit irritated that M was, er, frightening the cat.

HUTCHBACK

Cat frightening.

DR. NOSTRUM

Yeah. I mean it's not a big thing, but I just have this great sympathy for...

HUTCHBACK

For dumb animals.

DR. NOSTRUM

...for animals. Well, I do! I do! Cos I was a dumb animal myself – when I was a kid – and I didn't like being, um...

TOGETHER

...Frightened...