All Talk 47 - Tying Together A Few Ideas with Gwen Stefani and Gavin

DR. NOSTRUM

There's a lot that ties up here you know; Cow Calamari.. Not Cow Calamari, er, Stefani Calamari...

HUTCHBACK

Who?

DR. NOSTRUM

Gwen Stefani!

HUTCHBACK

Oh, Stefani.

DR. NOSTRUM

The thing about whale's foreskin's, tantric shitting, everything like that.. and the best bit of the whale being...

HUTCHBACK

It's arsehole.

DR. NOSTRUM

Whereas the best bit of the Calamari is the body. (pause) Stefani Calamari (pause) for Gavin, cos he likes a bit of.. a bit of arsehole.

HUTCHBACK

For who?

DR. NOSTRUM

Gavin, er.. Who's the guy that married her?

HUTCHBACK

I've no idea.

DR. NOSTRUM

Gwen Stefani's married to a guy called Gavin, who was.. what the hell's his name?

HUTCHBACK

I don't think it matters.

DR. NOSTRUM

No, he's quite famous! Anyway he's in Bush, he's the lead singer in Bush.

HUTCHBACK

Oh, er, Gavin, er...

DR. NOSTRUM

Rossdale. Gavin Rossdale.

HUTCHBACK

...Henson. Gavin Henson.

DR. NOSTRUM

Gavin Rossdale likes a bit of.. you know, I was thinking, where they live.. where they live up the road from us. Near them there's lots of these places where they do, er, yoga and stuff like this, but there's also – I was thinking – is there a, um, a what d'you call it, a waxing place to wax her arsehole, because Gavin, probably being partial to Stefani Calamari, would want her to wax her arsehole.

HUTCHBACK

It's an interesting thought. It's definitely an interesting thought and one that we should..

DR. NOSTRUM

Cause all those wiry dark hairs (pause) get in the way (pause) of a smooth entry and exit.

HUTCHBACK

Yeah

DR. NOSTRUM

And, if she could pinch one off (pause) she could trap him.

HUTCHBACK

Cut off the blood supply.

DR. NOSTRUM

Suppose so. It's a good way out of rape – anal rape – if you could practice your tantric shitting enough...

HUTCHBACK

Yeah

DR. NOSTRUM

...you could threaten any racist, er, not racist..

HUTCHBACK

Racist!

DR. NOSTRUM

"Watch out you racist I'm a tantric shitter!"

HUTCHBACK

Yeah, what you do is attach yourself to their knob...

DR. NOSTRUM

That's right – squeeze it off.

HUTCHBACK

...and cut off the blood supply to their brain.

DR. NOSTRUM

Do you think this paints a picture of carefree men of integrity and intelligence?

HUTCHBACK

What?