All Talk 14 - If Your Life Were A Movie?

30/11/08

In the ongoing 'All Talk' series we'll head back to the picnic in the park on a long forgotten summer's day (aren't they all)

Hutchback

Have you (beat) observed that you've got more uncoordinated as you've got older?

Dr. Nostrum

I was never coordinated

Hutchback

Yes, but are you less coordinated now?

Dr. Nostrum

I haven't observed it, but M has.

Hutchback

Yes, in her.. in you?

Dr. Nostrum

In me.

Hutchback

In you.

Dr. Nostrum

Yes, sh.. sh.. she thinks it's incredible.

Hutchback

(laughs) Ha-ha.

Dr. Nostrum

I'm incre...

Hutchback

...you're incredible.

Dr. Nostrum

...I'm clumsy.

Hutchback

Yes.

Dr. Nostrum

But I haven't become clumsy, I've always been clumsy, I've just been.. never had anyone around to point it out.

Hutchback

Yes, you see, I've definitely become less coordinated (pause) I've noticed in the last few years that I'm forever, you know, sort of (pause) you know, reaching for something and stubbing my hand, you know sort of...

Dr. Nostrum

Really?

Hutchback

..scraping my hand on a thing.


Dr. Nostrum

Oh, I suppose so.

Hutchback

You know, like, oh, er, I just carelessl.. you know, like reaching into a washing machine or something and scratching my hand against the edge.

Dr. Nostrum

No, my thing is...

Hutchback

Which I haven't..

Dr. Nostrum

...My thing is more having trouble putting on my trousers and pants, that I can't st... (Hutchback is laughing) yeah, the one leg at a time business, if you catch your leg (pause) in the hole, then I'm over, like, er, you know, like the leaning tower of Pisa without anything holding it up. (pause) I fall over and really I need to be near a bed, and if I wasn't near a bed and near something sharp I probably would have killed myself several times over.

Hutchback

Yeah. No, erm...

Dr. Nostrum

That's where it mostly comes out.

Hutchback

Balance. My balance isn't so bad it's...

Dr. Nostrum

Doing stuff.

Hutchback

It's hand eye coordination.

Dr. Nostrum

You mean knocking things over.

Hutchback

Yeah, knocking things over and stuff like that. That kind of not exactly getting the trajectory right.

Dr. Nostrum (laughing at a memory)

Oh no, I did a good thing the other day, no, this is true, I do do these things there were two half..

Hutchback (interrupts)

Sorry, for, for for new listeners we are both approaching incontinence

Dr. Nostrum

One of us quicker than the other. But, as, er, um (pause) there were two half drunk bottles of water on the table and I picked 'em both up and I was thinking that..

Hutchback

New listeners!

Dr. Nostrum

Cos of course some of you may have been listening for ages except you didn't know you were listening to us

Hutchback

Well, there, no, no, th.. th.. th.. uh, er, the gargantuan assumption that anyone will be listening. Anyway, carry on, carry on.

Dr. Nostrum

No, I had this, er, er, I suppose it's these kind of lapses in (pause) quality control of (pause) what I'm doing, is that, I pick up two bottles of water, I've got them both in the same hand - and neither of them have got lids on - and I pick up the lids and I get distracted, thinking, o.k. I'm gonna drink one of these bottles and then drink the other one, so what I do, is whilst holding them both (he mimes pouring water into his mouth)...

Hutchback

You've picked them both up at the same time.

Dr. Nostrum

...the one at the top poured all over my forehead. (pause) you know, but I just.. it's just that idea that I forgot to put the l.. even though I'd been thinking about, I forget to put the lid on the one I don't want to drink.

Hutchback

One part of your brain was saying "remember to put the lid on, remember to put the lid on, remember to put the lid on..." again and again and again...

Dr. Nostrum

And the other part says "Drink it."

Hutchback

And you just pick it up and throw it all over your head. That's brilliant. Now that is brilliant. That's what the podcast should be about. That's the podcast.

Dr. Nostrum

Stuff that you do that you...

Hutchback

Stupid things that you've done.

Dr. Nostrum

Well, another stupid thing, which M was amused and embarrassed by the same amount, but more amused – at the top of the Empire State building, I'm there, we're looking ar.. some couple says "Could you take a picture of us?" and I say "Of course." But I'm holding a can of coke, (pause) so, they give me the camera (pause – Hutchback knows what's coming and has started laughing) I pick it up to my face and pour the coke all over my shirt.

Hutchback

But you got a perfect shot so it was alright. Did they laugh?

Dr. Nostrum

I don't remember (pause). Stuff like that. Stuff like that (pause) and that was very similar, so, you know...

Hutchback

Yeah

Dr. Nostrum

...as if there'd been no gap between that and me picking up two bottles of w..

Hutchback

Your life! What you're saying is, essentially, your life is becoming a sort of slapstick movie...

Dr. Nostrum

It is.

Hutchback

...without you actually choosing it to become one it's becoming a slapstick movie.

Dr. Nostrum

It seems to be like that and I always laughed at slapstick but, er.

Hutchback

Have you trod on a rake yet when you're working?

Dr. Nostrum

Er (pause)...

Hutchback (mimics)

Errr...

Dr. Nostrum

No. Not yet.