30/11/08
Hutchback
(beat) There's some quite, quite a lively group that family group over there.
Dr. Nostrum
They are aren't they, they've done a lot of...
Hutchback
Lot of running around...
Dr. Nostrum (this was the 'blind' girl's family)
...pretending and things.
Hutchback
Running around; star jumps; chasing; it's all a bit much for a Saturday afternoon really.
Dr. Nostrum
You think they're a family?
Hutchback
Yeah. Well there are two children and...
Dr. Nostrum
The woman doesn't look right.
Hutchback
... (unhappily noticing) three adults
Dr. Nostrum
The woman doesn't look right to me
Hutchback
That's the mother.
Dr. Nostrum
That's what I'm saying; she doesn't look right. (pause) She looks like a friend of the family rather than the mum. (pause) No, she must be the mum. (longer pause – he's not sure) She could be a friend rather than the mum.
Hutchback
Well which one, the black woman or the white woman?
Dr. Nostrum
No, the black girl is the daughter of the black guy. See, radio in black and white. Yes, anyway, um... You know, it's just describing; describing the unimportant.
Hutchback
No, no. They've got a free M&S cooler bag, I've sp.. I notice.
Dr. Nostrum
What do you get it free with?
Hutchback
You get it free with 5 or more deli items.
Dr. Nostrum
Hmm.
Hutchback
There you go, so for all those of you who haven't picked up their free cooler bag yet... Hummus; my top tip.
Dr. Nostrum
Oh, you know that was quite funny actually, as Harry Hill pointed out, one of Delia Smith's things where she's got the cheat ingredients stuff, you know, this new thing? One of those programmes was her making Hummus...
Hutchback
Yeah!
Dr. Nostrum
But why isn't that just one of your cheat ingredients?
Hutchback
Exactly!
Dr. Nostrum
It's nonsense, isn't it? Why cook anything?
Hutchback
Just buy it all from M&S.
Dr. Nostrum
Buy it all ready made! (pause) It doesn't make any sense that programme, you've got cheat ingredients but then you've got to go and make it yourself.
Hutchback
No, cause you want to pretend you've cooked for your dinner party guests. Jesus, can you imagine?
Dr. Nostrum
What?
Hutchback
Serving up tinned lamb, tinned lamb mince...
Dr. Nostrum
Well, if it was the...
Hutchback
...at a dinner party?
Dr. Nostrum
It depends on how troubled times are.
Hutchback
How difficult is it to get... (loses interest and settles on a very satisfying yawn)
Dr. Nostrum
And they played on the radio something about her explaining how to boil an egg and part of the explanation was the difference between water...
Hutchback
And oil.
Dr. Nostrum
...no, no, the difference between the water not boiling and the water nearly boiling and she was describing this, you see.. when you see the water bubbling up, just slightly beginning to bubble, that's not boiling, just wait...
Hutchback
Wait!
Dr. Nostrum
...for it
Hutchback
Wait! Just wait...
Dr. Nostrum
...to start bubbling"...
Hutchback
...a little bit!
Dr. Nostrum
...she said wait till it starts bubbling vigorously across the surface of the whole water and that's when it's boiling
Hutchback
Christ
Dr. Nostrum
Because of course, you wouldn't know that, if you'd never grown up, really.
Hutchback
If you'd never been taught anything
Dr. Nostrum
Yeah, that's it. (pause) TV for...
Hutchback
Maybe our experiment should be to take an untutored boy (pause) of some age...
Dr. Nostrum
And teach them
Hutchback
...and teach them...
Dr. Nostrum
You mean, like having children?
Hutchback
...everything wrong.
Dr. Nostrum
What, like having children?
Hutchback
Er, yeah.
Dr. Nostrum
I like the idea of having children and teaching them nonsense. I'm quite, you know, like that Calvin and Hobbes stuff. I have a feeling that I would be very, very (pause) attracted to the idea of sending a kid off to school with his head full of absolute crap and then they said "Well, My dad said 'this'" and it's just complete nonsense.
Hutchback
Yeah, I mean, it's an amusing thought but rather unfair on the child.
Dr. Nostrum
I think my dad did it, somewhat, you know.
Hutchback
Yeah
Dr. Nostrum
In some ways (pause0) he said he was a doctor and told me, er, various things and that everything...
Hutchback
Did he?
Dr. Nostrum
...everything that was wrong with me was 'growing pains' (pause - laughs) that's quite, you know... (pause)
Hutchback
I wonder if you get gro'in pains in your groin (pronounced gro-in)?
Dr. Nostrum
(silence – of the tumbleweed blowing across the tundra type) Gro'in? (more silence) Mm. (a pause to recover the will to live, then) Didn't you have that? Didn't you have parents telling you everything wrong with you was 'growing pains', anything that hurt anywhere?
Hutchback
No
Dr. Nostrum
Oh, I guess that's why I was...
Hutchback
What, you slammed your fin.. slammed your thumb in the door – "That's growing pains son."
Dr. Nostrum
Well it is isn't it? In some ways, in some indirect way it is a growing pain isn't it?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment