All Talk 45 - The Invention of Industry and Victorian Fitness Coaches

DR. NOSTRUM

I guess industry actually started with stuff on the floor.

HUTCHBACK

Yeah, cos there weren't any factories.

DR. NOSTRUM

If you didn't pick it up, you'd never have used any of it. That's the thing, really, it's just going back to the roots of industry.

HUTCHBACK

In fact...(pause - noises of chocolate eating sprinkle HUTCHBACK's speech for a while)

DR. NOSTRUM

Using things. You'd have to pick everything up off the floor...

HUTCHBACK

...quite literally, it was the first work.

DR. NOSTRUM

What? No...

HUTCHBACK

...that human beings did.

DR. NOSTRUM

...it might have been picking things off a tree.

HUTCHBACK

Pickin.. No, well, maybe. Bending down and picking something up, that was the first job.

DR. NOSTRUM

"So, what do you do?" "Oh, I pick things up."

HUTCHBACK

Mm.

DR. NOSTRUM

"Oh, really? You could probably get paid for that...

HUTCHBACK

Mm. Cause otherwise, you're lying around in a dirty cave...

DR. NOSTRUM

It's true, and you know what, the people who were better at it picked up better things...

HUTCHBACK

Yep...

DR. NOSTRUM

...and they could spot...

HUTCHBACK

...the ones who got up earlier in the morning. And that's where we ended up with our bloody nine to five. Cause the first cavemen who thought of this fantastic idea - picking things up – they were getting up around mid-day.

DR. NOSTRUM

Yeah, and then they lost out to a local tribe who decided to get up earlier.

HUTCHBACK

Got up about 11.

DR. NOSTRUM

Maybe that's how they invented light, er, the fire. You know, cause they had to get up earlier.

HUTCHBACK

They had to get up so early...

DR. NOSTRUM

Yeah, and how can we do it cos we can't see? And then they took out a stick of fire from the, uh, the cave.

HUTCHBACK

Mm.

DR. NOSTRUM

First torch. Invention of the night shift. (pause) Are you going to finish them?

HUTCHBACK

Huh?

DR. NOSTRUM

This is what you do? You do your exercise and then eat a box of chocolates?

HUTCHBACK

Yeah

DR. NOSTRUM

And that's how you maintain your weight?

HUTCHBACK

Well otherwise I'd lose too much weight wouldn't I?

DR. NOSTRUM

Yeah.

HUTCHBACK

Losing weight quickly is not good for you, they say.

DR. NOSTRUM

No. I like that thing you told me about Victorian... Wasn't it a Victorian thing about, um, getting healthy and losing weight was to lie in bed all the time?

HUTCHBACK

Yeah.

DR. NOSTRUM

That's good. A good idea. Couldn't get many trainers though, I mean there's not much of an industry there.

HUTCHBACK

"Go-on, burn, burn, push for the burn, lie down a bit longer! You wimp, you've only been lying down for 18 hours!"

All Talk 44 - Medieval Health and Safety

DR. NOSTRUM

No, but we were talking about that because of Jew skin...

HUTCHBACK

Jew skin rugs.

DR. NOSTRUM

No, that was from something as well. Oh yeah, stuff off floors, that's it. Stuff off floors; Jews.. No, well, another thing about Jews, not that, er,

HUTCHBACK

Not that I'm racist.

DR. NOSTRUM

Not that I care. Um, I often thought that, um, Medieval Health and Safety, involved – cause you know we carry heavy things about?

HUTCHBACK

Yeah

DR. NOSTRUM

And I bust things, but, I don't think there was health and safety, but if there was, I reckon you had to put a Jew and a Black at the front of anything heavy that you were carrying downhill, or wherever, you know, in areas of danger...

HUTCHBACK

Jews, Blacks or Irish.

DR. NOSTRUM

Were there Irish, even in Medieval times?

HUTCHBACK

Well, they were Celtic perhaps.

DR. NOSTRUM

But that's probably what it was. The English would be at the back, whipping them – did they whip people then?

HUTCHBACK

I'm sure they did.

DR. NOSTRUM

There's no pictures of it. There's lots of pictures of Egyptians whipping.

HUTCHBACK

Yeah, that's cause they had slaves.

DR. NOSTRUM

What, didn't we have slaves?

HUTCHBACK

No, we didn't have slaves...

HUTCHBACK

What, not till late, very late on?

HUTCHBACK

Yeah. It's funny that. All those years...

DR. NOSTRUM

Well, how did we control all the people before?

HUTCHBACK

Well they were serfs weren't they?

DR. NOSTRUM

But we didn't have whips!

HUTCHBACK

No, they didn't need whips.

DR. NOSTRUM

B.. oh, arrows.

HUTCHBACK

Yeah, they had men on horses with bows.

DR. NOSTRUM

Bows. So actually they completely bypassed whips in England.

HUTCHBACK

Yeah, they went straight to arrows.

DR. NOSTRUM

Arrows. Yeah.

HUTCHBACK

Swords as well.

DR. NOSTRUM

Well arrows, I guess, were like swords from a distance.

HUTCHBACK

Not as effective at killing someone. You know, you'd probably survive an arrow, unless it went in somewhere vital.

DR. NOSTRUM

I don't know, you know, a bit of wood, stone, metal, whatever – get infected, very nasty - without a doctor to put it right. Just like today.