28/11/08
(what follows are not the opinions of real people, remember)
Hutchback
...I can't comment because I've avoided watching any of those hideous programmes.
Dr. Nostrum
Well, no, I haven't watched them cos I've seen him sitting on his throne and I've seen the look on his face and (pause) I have seen him periodically pop in and out of culture across the years and he is very creepy.
Hutchback
Oh yes, But more to do with his face than anything else I think. I think if he had a different face...
Dr. Nostrum
There's something incredibly obsequious about him.
Hutchback
Yeah, he's oily.
Dr. Nostrum
(pause) I don't think it's that it's oily, it's just something very, very weird going on.
Hutchback
Mm.
Dr. Nostrum
Kind of like David Walliams.
Hutchback
Yes
Dr. Nostrum
He's got the same kind of thing going on it's this 'child rapist' look...
Hutchback (laughing)
Yeah
Dr. Nostrum
No, well, you know, if you could categorize it, there is something like that.
Hutchback
Yeah. He clearly.. he fits that profile, you know...
Dr. Nostrum
But, the thing is...
Hutchback
...he gets to work with lots of children...
Dr. Nostrum
...but, child rapists don't have that look (pause) apparently. All these serial killers, child rapists are just, you know, walking amongst us unseen but, if they all looked like David Walliams...
Hutchback (quoting the usual comment)
'He seemed like such a normal bloke - a normal bloke'.
Dr. Nostrum
Right, whereas David Walliams doesn't seem like a normal bloke and nor does Andrew Lloyd Webber...
Hutchback
But...
Dr. Nostrum
...so you wouldn't be surprised if they had some dirty past.
Hutchback
But he's not gay apparently.
Dr. Nostrum
Well I think that's.. that's.. well, then nor's Simon Cowell but then...
Hutchback
No, Walliams
Dr. Nostrum
No, but I'm saying, but nor is Simon Cowell, but apparently they are, allegedly.
Hutchback
Oh are they?
Dr. Nostrum
More stuff you can't broadcast. Well – you can broadcast what you want, I think that's the thing isn't it? Although why anyone gives a fuck about being gay's beyond me, or how you can sue for it being defamation as if it were somehow defamation, bit of a circular argument that. Hardly a victory for gay rights to still be able to do that really.
Hutchback
Well, who's gonna sue us if no-one hears it?
Dr. Nostrum
Yeah, if no-one hears it, yeah. Oh, it doesn't matter it's just, you know. "Edit point."
Hutchback
"Cunt"
Dr. Nostrum
Yeah. (long beat) I don't know, I think if you did this for, like, ten years you get better at it.
Hutchback
Yeah. If you did this for ten years you might get 5 minutes of raw material.
Dr. Nostrum
But what a 5 minutes!
Hutchback
Yup.
Dr. Nostrum
Very reasonable. It would be very reasonable...
Hutchback
And in fact...
Dr. Nostrum
...wouldn't be great...
Hutchback
...it would be 5 continuous minutes from some, just.. peak moment...
Dr. Nostrum
...a snippet.
Hutchback
...when you'd.. Somehow everything had come together.
Dr. Nostrum (wistfully)
Yeah.
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