Saturday, 17 January 2009

Razor Blade M.A.D.


What is happening in the great razor blade wars? They seem to have reached a mexican standoff at 5, but I know the product development departments at Gillette and Wilkinson Sword are hard at work on how to beat the opposition after so many years of hard fought advances. There's some crazy and fearless young turk in one of the labs now who's come up with the next weapon to bludgeon the opposition with. He's bursting to storm the boardroom and tell them "I've got it! I've got it! It's six, we've got to go to six." and they'll all look at him with fear and incredulity. "Can we do it? can we really do it?" "SIX?" "Is it possible?" "Let's do it!" and they'll go for it. It's only a matter of time though before the enemy catches up, and reports will spread that they have a fearsome new blade in secret research, it could be a seven!. We're heading for M.A.D. I can't imagine where it will stop, 20? 50? And how smooth can they get your face, it'll be so smooth that nothing will stick to it. Kisses will slide right off, light will be bent round it, men will disappear from the neck up. Hundreds, possibly THOUSANDS of blades ready to shave you so effortlessly you won't notice you've sliced your face off!

I have another, alternative universe prediction, where the young turk bursts into the boardroom and says "I've got it! I've got it! It's one, we've got to go to one blade! One sharp blade for a perfect close shave."

Turtlewax - wax at the speed of ice. That's a tag that doesn't need any help. I have a feeling that the speed of ice is usually something like a meter a day, unless they mean Shabu or Hiropong, in which case, good luck!

Other names and tags that stuck were "Kiss My Ass" moisturiser, with it's even better sister product "Kiss My Ass Al Night". We all often need E45 Bitch relief cream.

On a tangent, I've always liked "Sainsbury's, where good food doesn't exist"

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