Saturday, 17 January 2009

NoGoat Citywide Protection


Dr Nostrum was walking down the burgeoning aisles of Tesco's several years ago in Westcliff (which is so staid it should be spelled (which should be spelled spelt) Westcliffe) when I caught a glimpse of a new product 'Goat Honey'. Ha! typical, I thought, another proliferation of the endless bourgeois grab all that is any product of a goat as opposed to sheep or cow. A few moments later I realised that I may have misread the label.

Several hours later me and my midget hutchback assistant (much more useful than my hunchback assistant) and a short, short haired girl (presumably to help her appear taller, as long haired short girls often look shorter than they actually are. I must say, as a young man Dr Nostrum had several things for short haired short girls, which did beg the latent homosexuality question) expanded the premise and it is indeed scary. Imagine the size of the hives!

With all those goats flying about it would be necessary to erect huge nets around cities to keep the goats out. These nets would be manufactured by the global leader in Goat Nets - NoGoat Citywide Protection. A company Dr Nostrum formed but immediately made dormant, thus dooming himself to endless annual dormant company accounts to submit to Companies House until goats have mutated sufficiently to allow the company to rise to it's rightful position at the head of the Goat defense industry.

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